Matters of the heart…

If there’s one thing that takes a beating in this world, it’s our heart. I’m not just talking about my own heart, but also the heart of those I hurt.

We are heading into difficult territory. In revisiting who I was, my many lacks and inadequacies, as well as my many failures, I’m finding them difficult to write, mostly because it involves other people and the pain I’ve caused them.

So, first and foremost, let me ask forgiveness from those I hurt, took advantage of, manipulated, lied to, and/or any other manner of wickedness in how I may have hurt you.

I truly am sorry for who I was and how I impacted your life. You deserved better, and better I was not.

It is 1985 and I met the mother of my son. We were young and in love. Yes I loved her, and yes I still do. She is the mother of my son. If you read this post, you will have a better understanding of what I mean when it comes to love. But please wait for the future post on love, because this is not the end, but the beginning. Let me also be clear that there are no mistakes, only decisions made. The only regrets that I have is the pain that I have caused others throughout the course of my life.

We were living in Ohio at the time we got pregnant. I use we, as most of the time we read “she”, and it wasn’t just her decision, it was our decision. I did not give my decision to have a child the right amount of forethought, because now I have a child and his mom and her son to provide for. I am in trade school, working at a pizza shop, which was not sufficient to support my family, which was totaling four, including me. Our baby has a brother. Her son, who I consider my son and is a man I am proud of and am better for having him in my life, than not. I love both of my sons and the men they have become. 

As a means to support my family I joined the United States Marine Corp.

Our life’s journey is entering a new season! 

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