Matters of the heart

I guess this is as good a time to share as any. 

My divorce wrecked me. I didn’t realize it then, but I surely see it now. The manner in which I treated women. Not outwardly, to the best of my understanding, but then I wasn’t on the receiving end either. 

I was manipulative in order to get what I wanted. And though some relationships lasted longer than others, when I was done, I was done. I never really allowed myself to be all in.  Commitment was not something I could do at all. As I look back now, there was probably some revenge aspect to my manner of being when it came to my relationship with women. I wasn’t physically abusive or verbally abusive at all, but I definitely didn’t treat women the way they deserved to be treated, with true love, caring, thoughtfulness, respect, and understanding. 

I needed to do quite a bit of healing.  

If I had to be totally honest, that healing didn’t happen until I totally focused on Jesus. 

I heard the word “stop” one night when I was walking my dog. And stop I did. I stopped dating and sought Jesus. The healing commenced. 

I’ll revisit this later, as there is much more between the lines to get to my dating stopping point. 

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