Monthly Archives: January 2017

Perfect: Part 1

Have you ever had Jesus give you a Scripture?

I was at my churches leadership retreat. We were working through some personal spiritual assessments. We were taking a look at not just what are giftings were, but seeing how the Lord has worked in our lives. I was a pretty new believer at this point, maybe a year or so.

As we are working through the workbook and reflecting on particular Scriptures, the Lord gives me 1 Timothy 1: 15-16.

Now, I don’t remember how I came upon this Scripture, I kind of believe it was part of the workbook, but what is most important is that it impacted me on a spiritually deep level, if you get my meaning. I knew this Scripture meant something special to me and that it was MY Scripture. Though to be totally honest, I had NO idea what it was supposed to mean to me.

1 Timothy 1: 15-16

15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.

It wasn’t till years later, when I’m living in the condo, while I’m walking my dog down the sidewalk, that it hit me like a ton of bricks.

You see, I had such a high regard for myself, I didn’t realize I am the worst of sinners.

I was brought to tears on the sidewalk.


There are areas of my life that I can be kind of OCD about. Being on time is one, but I can be late. So my OCD doesn’t outway my ability to be timely, it just really bothers me. 

Being able to complete certain projects is another. I’m speaking to my schooling. Though my college classes started out great, by the time I had one semester left I was falling apart. My studies were a HUGE struggle for me. I felt overwhelmed, unorganized, and really like I needed to stop. But then I’m one semester away from finishing I’d tell myself. I took some time off from my studies to try and regroup, but that didn’t work so I quit.  The relief I felt was fantastic. I did not like quitting, but the balance of my life came back. 

I was also working out and eating like I never had before. 

When I started my life change, because I have no will power and no clue about food, I went with nutrisystem to learn and retrain myself. 

It worked well as it taught me to count calories, portion size, and I was able to add food to what they provided, so that still left me some control, as long as I was within my daily calorie intake. 

It only took about 45 days and I was able to venture out on my own without nutrisystem. 

I learned I have NO portion control when it comes to chips, ice cream, and the like, so I couldn’t and didn’t buy them. If I did I would crush the entire container. 

It took 18 months, a lot of miles running, swimming, and biking, but in that time I lost 60 pounds and about 6 inches off my waist. 

God’s timing is the right timing.  More on this coming up. 

What’s it all mean?

I really like to know the meaning behind things and I see it so much better now, then I could see it then. 

Having purged my house of stuff and more stuff. Having purged my life of relationships. Having purged my body of food. 

Wow! I see my life having been purged of idols. And I just now see that. As I reflect back on my studies and conversations I’ve had with pastors in that time period, it is all about the idols that I had in my life. All of it. 

I remember having talks about raising up prayer altars and where Satan has altars of his own and how we need to claim the ground that the Lord has given us under the soles of our feet. Idols. 


The Lord wants to be first in my life and rightly so. 

When I look at all that the Lord has restored in my life, I know where it came from and Whom it came from. I know that I am responsible for taking care of it and that it doesn’t belong to me. 

Everything I have, from property to relationships, belongs to God. 

I am His steward and ambassador. 

The Great Purge, con’t. still!

I really was not a very good student at all. My high school years I finished with a C.  You say this is average, but really I didn’t earn nor did I work for it. I feel I was more “pushed” through than anything else. It looks bad for a school to have kids fail and it usually impacts their funding. 

After high school I went to college and my schooling there was no different. I spent more time watching General Hospital with Luke and Laura running around Europe and playing the eight ball pinball machine in the game room more than concentrating on my school work. As a result I had. 1.34 GPA after 18 months.  Colleges give you what you’ve earned.  There is no pushing someone through. I dropped out and that’s when I went into the Marine Corp. (Abbreviated version)

So when I went back to college this time, I didn’t really expect anything but long hard miserable work. You know what, it wasn’t easy, but it went very well. At the end of my 3 years and associates degree I finished with I believe a 3.8 GPA. I give God all the credit!

I’m a foodie. I love food. I also have no willpower. So as I’m studying and working and trying to live life, I packed on weight. I tipped the scales at 230+ pounds and was five feet nine inches tall. 

As I’m walking my pup and conversing with the Lord, He gives me the word gluttony. Seriously!  I heard it as plain as day. 

I knew exactly what He meant. I needed to let go of the food and get myself into shape. It’s the later part of 2009 at this point. 

I went inside and within a day or two had come up with a plan and purged my cupboards. 

Now it gets real. 

Open doors…

The Lord has given me a few words throughout the course of my life.  The first keeping me from trying to kill myself, and then this word stop. At each word He’s given, it has always changed the course of my life, and need I say for the better.

The word stop was no different.  His words do not always mean that the change in life is going to be easy, but it does mean that change is needed. What we need to understand is that the course we are currently on in life isn’t going to be easy either, and if we do not change, which is undoubtedly going to be more difficult for us, our path or the Lord’s path?

I believe His path will lead to a better life without a doubt.

So He gave me the word stop.  I literally prayed my way through this season.  I had most always been in a relationship, so what did this look like for me? As I prayed, I would pray my need for Him and His Spirit to help me. That if I were to live a life being single, that I would trust Him, but that if I were to be in a relationship, it would have to be a woman of His choosing.  I did provide a laundry list of requirements of course.  That she be a woman of God. That she like the outdoors and be physically fit, to name a few.

The open door was my being able to register and attend college and take christian ministry classes to obtain my associates degree, to which after about 3 years I finally obtained my degree.

This was truly a season of hearing the Lord and seeing the Lord in my life. There were visions, dreams, revelations, all the things you read about in scripture. 

The Great Purge, con’t…

When you hear the word purge, what do you think of?

I can’t say this word was a regular part of my vernacular at all, but it seemed to become a definite part of my life.

So as I was getting rid of much of my stuff, the Lord continued His encouragement to purge my life.

I walk my dog around the community of the condo two to three times a day. This gives me opportunity to do lots of thinking on these walks and I’ve had many conversations with the Lord as well.

During one of these conversations He told me to stop. I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation, but the word was clear, stop.

I knew exactly what He meant by His one word injection into my life. Stop dating, focus on me.

Stop I did. It wasn’t easy, but through prayer and tons of petitions, He lead me through it.

Stop equaled about 4 1/2 years of single hood where I was learning what it meant to believe in Jesus as my soul mate.

Where He wanted me to close one door of my life, He opened another.

5 years

Have you heard the phrase, “If I knew then, what I  know now…”

The fact of the matter is, we really have no clue what our future holds as we live this life here on earth.

As Christ followers, we know where our home is, but while we are on the journey home, the best we can do is keep our eyes on the risen Son, and try as best we can to stay true north, not to waiver to the left or right.

Today marks my bride’s and my five year anniversary.  I’m blown away. I simply can’t believe it. I never in my wildest dreams and wishes would have imagined being here, at this place in life.

I have learned so very much, grown a lot, though not enough, and feel buried in blessing.

As a human being walking this earth, I say I do not deserve any of the favor God has given me, as I know I am the worst of sinners.  However, as one of the redeemed through Jesus Christ, I say thank you Jesus.

I have been given charge over a great deal. From my personal life; my bride, my sons, the farm, the animals, and now a beautiful little girl. To much for anyone walking this life by anything other than faith, for if I were to walk by sight, I would be overwhelmed and missing the mark far more than I am. (I do miss the mark, but for God’s grace)

I have come to learn, and still am, the concept of sacrificial leadership. To try and lead my house by example. To lead my house through sacrifice, maintaining a regard and love for the Word of God and Christ’s loving sacrifice and the grace offered through His spilled blood.

I have come to learn, that I own nothing, not even myself, and that I am to steward all that has been given me.  I have been bought with a price. All that I have belongs to Jesus and upon His return I hope and pray, through the help of the Spirit, that I will hear, “well done good and faithful servant.”

I have come to learn there is no greater ministry than to lead my house well.  That, as the groom to my bride, so I represent Christ being the Groom to His bride, the Church. That, to my children, I represent a most holy God and Father. To know that I fall short in all areas keeps my vision and focus on Christ, as it is through His Spirit I find comfort and help. 

As much as the Lord has expanded my heart, my love, over these past five years, it leaves me excited and expectant for what He has for me and my family in the days to come. 

Thanks be to God.